I wish my penis had an off switch
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm having to shit out rocks
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
