We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
