Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
