How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
