the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wanna passion pit in your ass
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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