I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
