How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
