brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dear god my vagina.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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