as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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