This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
