Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
