So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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