Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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