I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
