OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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