I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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