if you like me you must not know who I am
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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