There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
