My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
