I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
