We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
