There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
