Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
