its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
