insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
