Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
