I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
not ubering you a puppy
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
