At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
