Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
