How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
