At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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