I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
