I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
