Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
