There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i think my mom watched the whole time
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
