I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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