Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
