if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
