WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
