i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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