glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
