I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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