Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
