somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
