Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
