no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
