we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We need a shit load of segways right now
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
