God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
