Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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