I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
