Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
