i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
