Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
