So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
